I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You smell like a Billy Joel song
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
