Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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