my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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