last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Randomize
