They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
