so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
