someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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