she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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