When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
