Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
