I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
