I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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