my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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