remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
