There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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