And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can text with my tongue
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
