I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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