Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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