i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i wish my penis had a tongue
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
