I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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