I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
