I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
