I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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