I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He? As in you personified your dick?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
