It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
