Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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