you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
