Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
