Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
