hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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