he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
