Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
