so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
