Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
