Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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