he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
