Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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