Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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