I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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