then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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