i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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