David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
What drink are we having for lunch?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
