You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The Olympian is in my bed
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