Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
