What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
