But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
no, he came in my armpit
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
