Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
