I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
