i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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