You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
