Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize