I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
