So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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