Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
