I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
