if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
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