I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
