Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How does it feel to date your dad?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
