dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
