my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
