I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
