My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
