I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
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Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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