Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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