How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
found the other keg... it's in the tree
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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