he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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