On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
