the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
